Sunday, September 13, 2020

Where to find me online

Since I'm not taking sessions nor attending in-person events due to public health considerations, where can you currently find me online?

FetLife: More than any other place online, FetLife has become a home to me in the past 10 years. I post photos, status updates, blog posts; and I own and/or moderate a number of groups there, including several discussion groups for crossdressers+ (Femdom and the Girlie Boy, Heartland Crossing, THE SISSY ROOM, The Sissy Spot), as well as classifieds groups (Midwest Kinky Classifieds, Cross Dressing Personal Ads, Sissy Personals). It's also where I like to find local & regional events to attend, and I can't wait to start going back when our region is consistently "in the green" with public health!

OnlyFans: Here you will find some exclusive content that I don't post anywhere else. It's free to subscribe to my profile. and I post free content regularly as well as hosting free livestreams, while also providing some premium content for reasonable a la carte pricing. OnlyFans does ask you for a valid credit card as a shortcut to check whether you're 18 or older; however, you don't pay for anything unless you choose to. OnlyFans has some strict limits for certain keywords that are prohibited in messages; you can see some of them here. For this reason, I may suggest we move private chat to Discord. 

NiteFlirt: Even though this is known as a phone sex site, there are a number of us who use it for consultations or old-fashioned domination activities in a way that many phone sex operators don't. True story: someone contacted me on FetLife and asked if I could please, pretty please, get a NiteFlirt account because he has difficulty reading and typing, and he really wanted phone consultation, and was so sweetly persistent about it that I finally signed up. I take phone consultations on NiteFlirt for $1.99 per minute, mostly by pre-appointment; as well as texting ($0.69 per "volley" - that is, you message and I message back). NiteFlirt, like OnlyFans, has some strict limits in place and certain topics are not allowed, such as age play or AB/DL (see the complete list here) so this is why I may suggest we work out an arrangement for private chat or voice calls via Discord or Zoom. 

Ko-fi: I love coffee in a very serious way. Ko-fi ("coffee") is a site where, for the price of a cup of coffee ($3) you can support creators and people whose work you enjoy or value. Most of us would happily buy a $3 coffee (or more) for someone we like or admire. Because of its simple interface, this is the website I may send you to when we have worked out a video or chat session rate.

Twitter: Twitter is just a fun spot to catch the latest headlines almost instantly and see what others with similar interests are up to. 

Instagram: I'm just starting to build my Instagram following since I got shadowbanned almost immediately for some reason I don't fully understand - probably for naughty tag use - as none of my photos were explicit. Oh well! I appear to be back for now at least and am keeping my photos somewhat mild but I love to post casual shots from my everyday life and see what others are up to ;-)

Discord: This is where I take private texting/chat, especially those chats that might not be appropriate for OnlyFans or NiteFlirt. My username there is SoftSandalwood#4535

Zoom: I do have a private Zoom link for those who want one-on-one voice chats that aren't appropriate for NiteFlirt, or video chats. 

MeWe: This is a site that touts itself as a pro-privacy alternative to Facebook. I have a profile there and am weighing starting a BDSM discussion group, as most of the kink groups there are small and focus heavily on keeping a running (random) chat stream going rather than facilitating discussion.

What platforms are you using and what do you like/dislike about them?

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

New release: A Strap-On Story (get it before Friday!)


A STRAP-ON STORY COMPLETE SET: Pegging fantasy? Love the idea of being "taken" but the porn you've seen seems way too rough? Try this gentle intro. Maybe you've been trying butt play on your own, but you're ready for someone to take you by the hand before she takes you by the hips... here's your bridge.

Try this set of 15+ captioned photos (.jpg) & 3 short video clips (.mp4) walking you through a gentle-domme fantasy storyline. 

I KNOW YOU WANT IT, so get it now while it's nice and warm, because after 48 hours, the price goes up! Get it here: https://onlyfans.com/43532500/softsandalwood

Saturday, August 15, 2020

The importance and benefits of real-life community

I spend a lot of my social media time on FetLife, interacting in both local and international groups online; and as a pro, it's a big part of how I market, advertise, and even sell content. In fact, I've been on the "kinky" part of the internet for a long time--since the early 1990s when I first connected to telnet talkers--and I've since watched as D/s, SM, and fetish websites have exploded online.

But today, I want to talk with you about the importance and benefits of the Real Life, Face-to-Face, Community--which is why I can't wait until we can kick this virus to the curb and get back to it!

One of the first pieces of advice that I read online and in books from experienced kinksters--people like Gloria Brame, Jay Wiseman, and Guy Baldwin--was this: Although the internet is an interesting place to gain information about WIITWD (What It Is That We Do), and a place to start making connections, there's also a lot of misinformation and bad, if not dangerous, advice. On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

So although it's fun to chat and "play" online, if you are wanting to move it to real life at some point, I urge you in the strongest possible terms to start by going to a local munch/meet-up group. (A "munch" is a low-pressure non-playtime gathering for kinksters to socialize.)

Why?

Community does three things:

  • It connects us (acceptance, friendship, support, and networking)
  • It educates us (members share infomation & experiences)
  • It protects us (personal safety, respecting boundaries, dungeon rules, and an understanding of mutual privacy)

Community helps to weed out the people who just want to play online and not really do anything "real." There's nothing wrong with fantasy, but online play is limiting. Having a rich fantasy life is good and important, but real life is... more real!

Even if you've found someone you've hit it off with online, consider meeting up with them in the context of going to munches or play parties together until you're certain the person is on the up-and-up. Meeting up with someone one-on-one in private for the first time, for playtime is risky. Do they really know what they're doing? Will they respect your boundaries? Are they willing to respect privacy?

Think of it this way: even if you meet someone one-on-one for coffee a few times in public, there are still people who can put up a great front for awhile and "talk the talk," but they play in a risky way because they think they know what they're doing (they've read about stuff online, after all!). Remember: a little knowledge can be dangerous. There's nobody there keeping an eye on scenes, and no dungeon rules being enforced.

Also, remember, abusers are looking for someone who can be isolated away from the herd, because it's easier to manipulate a person when there aren't others around for "reality checks." When you're part of a community, there's a lot of opportunity for real-life education and support. Unsafe players or manipulators generally don't stick around for long.

Common objections I hear:

"But I'm shy. I won't know anybody." I know! We were all new once, too, and you can feel a little vulnerable when you're showing up somewhere for the [whispers] *kinky stuff* and don't know anyone. Try this: message the organizers ahead of time and let them know it's your first time. They will answer your questions, and probably be willing to introduce you to others when you get there, so you won't have to feel alone and disconnected. Another thing you could try is reaching out to see if anybody else is going that's also new, and make a pact to go, and agree to sit together. Voila, a new friend!

"But what if I see someone I know?" That's possible, but remember: if they see YOU... you're seeing THEM there, too. There is a real emphasis in groups like this on maintaining privacy and not "outing" other people. So everyone else is in the same boat as you are. There's mutual accountability for privacy. "Outers" are not tolerated.

If you'd like to learn more about this topic here are some links that you might find interesting:

"What the BDSM Community Can Teach a Kinky World." https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201702/what-the-bdsm-community-can-teach-kinky-world

"The Dos and Don'ts of Going to a Munch." https://lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com/2018/08/06/the-dos-and-donts-of-going-to-a-munch/

"What Happens At Your First Munch?" https://www.submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/your-first-munch

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Would you buy me a cup of coffee?

This darned virus is still on the rise here, so we haven't been holding sessions for months. Although that's sad, we all have to do our best to keep ourselves--and each other--safe. But in the meantime, if you have a need to serve, how are you getting it met? Don't forget that for about the price of a small Starbucks a day, you can have my one-on-one attention here: https://www.softsandalwood.com/p/texting.html

You can even send it via my coffee account at ko-fi.com.

Bottoms up, my coffee slaves!

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Getting what you need during social distancing

During the pandemic... what are you doing to get your needs met? If you're not able to see people in person and you can't do that... if your deepest need is to serve someone else's needs... how are you achieving that?

Might I suggest a safe way to maintain appropriate social distancing?

Be my text sub. I'll be your Text Mistress. Think of this as a long-distance service arrangement. Sometimes we'll just chat and it will be casual. Sometimes I'll have an assignment for you or ask you for photos. Sometimes I'll send them.

Intrigued? Jump over here and find out how: https://www.softsandalwood.com/p/texting.html

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Fingernails as a tool of domination & sensation

Nails. I love getting my nails done! They're not just pretty, but they're so practical in my line of work. My nails can make you shiver from sensuous light touch... deliver the most satisfying back scratch... make you gasp as they score your scalp... or yowl from a serious clawing.

Manicure day is tomorrow!